With Most Respectful Thanks To Sir Elton John

It has been almost a year since I last posted. During that time, I quit my job (see last entry, although there were other reasons too); started eating wheat again and eventually became much sicker; John resigned from his teaching job. We pulled our retirements. We thought we were going to move to California, and didn’t. John still doesn’t have a job and I’m looking into trying to get SS disability (so we have very little money). Nevertheless we got a dog, a lovely smooth collie rescue from Athens. We named her Asia. The girls appear to be mostly fine, but who knows. They’ve seen that we are under a lot of stress, and I have been in bed much more lately.

I am extremely anemic (possibly from My Year of Wheat) and can’t tolerate iron supplements, so I went in today for my first infusion. I began thinking about “Rocket Man” for some reason, iron pumping into my blood while I waited. I got a little teary allowing myself to relate to the song’s doomed sense of isolation, and new lyrics wrote themselves to the chatter of nurses and clicking of machines.
Rocket Girl
 
He put the kids to bed last night
All day long, nine p.m.
As I was sedated and in pain
In my cocoon den
I miss my family so much, I miss my friends
It’s lonely in this dark place
Where dreams wilt and end
 
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Til relief brings me round again to find
I’m just a shadow of the girl they love
Oh no, no no, I’m a rocket girl
Rocket girl, burning out her fuse up here alone
 
Sick in a daze is not a way to raise your kids
In fact it fucking sucks
But he is there to raise them, even if you’re dead
And all this medicine, most don’t understand
I need it all, seven days a week
A rocket girl, a rocket girl 
 
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Til a breakthrough brings me down again to find
I’m not the girl they think they’ve always known
Oh no, no no, I’m a rocket girl
Rocket girl, sleeping life away up here alone
 
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Til a miracle sets me free and then I find
I’m not the girl I think I am at all
Oh, no one knows, I’m a rocket girl
Rocket girl, crying for the way life could have gone
 
Now I think it’s gonna be a long long time
And I think it’s going to be a long long time.
 
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