I love my dog

I am having a hard time accepting that I needed to give in today. I am doing better this week, which means “failures” are harder to accept emotionally. Besides having one nearly pain-free day and then easy-to-treat headaches the following two days, I’ve been TRYING. Keeping track of symptoms, medications, special circumstances. Taking less medicine or being sure to take it early enough or conversely waiting long enough.

But now I’m in bed on a day I didn’t WANT to give up, didn’t think I would have to, a perfect beautiful chilly fall day (the worst kind for my migraine) when I planned to be very engaged with my children and to go to Meijer while they were both at school. Yes, for me, that would have been a pretty successful day. A trip to the store is quite a spoon-eater.

I have taken Imitrex for the last three days. Even though the pain was easier, I still treated it. Today if I do I will absolutely get into a rebound cycle starting tomorrow. Even three days in a row makes it likely, but at four, you’re done. Consulting with my migraine coach / partner / husband (aka SirMigraine) led me to lie down and battle it out this afternoon. Personally I’d like to pop my Imitrex like I have for ten years, not thinking about tomorrow, but saving today. But then I would pay for it for weeks with increased headaches and disability and medication use and we are really, really trying to avoid that. I do have a sample Sumovel Imitrex air injection up here if I can’t take it anymore. And you know what, I’m pissed.

But lying next to me, here on the rumpled feather blanket, not too close to impact my range of movement but close enough that I can hold her paw and hear her breathing, is my 15 month old smooth collie rescue dog Asia Dot. I was never a dog person, but Sir and I eventually acquiesced to the idea for our older daughter who desperately wants to volunteer at animal shelters but is too young. X even researched the information herself and filled out her own applications with my approval, only to be denied, which we were prepared for. An eight year old can help take care of a dog, I thought. She would get so much out of it. And four year old Zo certainly wouldn’t mind. Sir thought a dog would be good for my health too, kind of a therapy dog. And here she is. Ironically she and X get along the least well though Asia loves everybody. But she and I have a special relationship. She stays with me all the time, follows me everywhere, to the bathroom and the kitchen and back up to my bed, nervous and awkward on the stairs. She curls up next to me on the couch. She rests her muzzle on my knee, gazing at me with concerned, thoughtful, adoring eyes. When I inevitably go lie down due to pain or fatigue she usually accompanies me, abandoning her busy herder breeding and napping. I am not alone. Isolation is really the most depressing aspect of chronic illness. And yes, she’s just a dog. She can’t rub my neck or tap-tap-tap over the pulsing pain of my head or sing me to sleep or tell me a story. But she is here, quietly, and staying with me for nothing, because she’s made it apparent that doing so is her reason for living, and it is all she wants to do in the world. How can that not warm your heart, slow your breathing, lower your heart rate, soothe your soul? Asia Dot, Chronic Illness Isolation Therapy Dog.

I think my pain just decreased a little. Maybe I can really get away without Imitrex today. That would be amazing.

20131022-145054.jpg

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “I love my dog

  1. Never mind, it surged back and got twisty, meaning it’s probably because I went down in estrogen on my patch. Twisty migraines are hormonal and very hard to treat. Entire day thrown into uproar. I’m furious

  2. They are never “just a dog” 🙂 They are so much more, and I know you see that first hand. Asia is so amazing for you, it’s wonderful! They can’t take away everything bad from us (unfortunately!), like Belle can’t take away ALL of my anxiety and depression, but without her…well, I just know I wouldn’t be the same person I am now. Belle cannot verbally talk to me to tell me it will be okay, that how I feel will subside, or contradict all the bad feelings I have towards myself, but she says them nonetheless. Dogs are the great healers of this world ❤

    • In this case it appears the rescue dog became the rescuer dog. And she’s lucky to have you. Hope you feel better. I don’t blame you for being angry.

      • Christen, I got a surprise when the increase in intensity caused me to jump to my highest tier rescue drug and it worked with the first injection (rather than 3). So I’m still sad about my day but at least no longer in as much pain.
        Also figuring out it was from the estrogen decrease was kind of nice. If I know why I have more control.

  3. If I had been able to make an entry yesterday, it cld have been interchangeable w/ urs. I had to give in & stay in bed all day & evening, buried in icepaks w/ my little adopted Smokey by my side. I literally found myself keying into his breathing in order to relax me. At this very moment, his head, as he snoozes, is resting in the crook of my right elbow so it’s kind of hard to type but I wldn’t dare move him. I’m so sick of taking my Maxalt. I know all abt rebound but sometimes, I get so frustrated and, yes, angry too, that I take it. So ur comments abt rebound were a good reminder for me to watch it.
    Today was the 1st day I cld move since last Fri nite, have been turning dwn jobs and yes, it was a major accomplishment to do a good food shopping trip today. By the time I had dinner cooked, I felt too sick to eat it, but took my nausea pill, waited a bit and didn’t do too badly the rest of the nite. Take care and hope it gives u a little tiny bit of comfort to know there’s someone out here that totally gets ur situation.

    • Thanks so much, migraine mistress (how similar to lady migraine!) ~ things have been so not great the past few days or I would have replied sooner. What I can tell you now though is that yesterday I did not want to take that damn imitrex. But just as it seemed it might settle down, the pain suddenly jumped a few notches, I got nauseous, and had to skip imitrex altogether and go straight to DHE! And it didn’t work until the third injection (while the dog chewed up my daughter’s things which she wouldn’t have done if I had just popped the imitrex at first symptoms and had been able to help that night)! So I mean what in the hell do we do? Imitrex rebound leads me eventually to DHE and a few days in bed. And… not taking imitrex led me to DHE and a few days in bed. Sigh. At least I have an appt with my headache guy Friday. Love to you and Smokey! ~elizabeth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s