ER, Again

Asia is barking and anxiety yawning and upset. I am in my “Migraine Awareness” hoodie, pajama pants and heading to the ER myself once again. Waiting for my dad to take me there at around 6:15 pm. John thinks he’s getting out tomorrow, I think that’s too soon. They’re not even giving him any meds….

This sucks

I am alone and feel like I’m falling apart. We are both emotionally unstable and I am chronically ill. My beautiful girls are basically living with my parents right now while I am prostrate and in grief. What will become of us?

this is november. this is my blog. this is my life.

I am not at all certain how to begin. A major life event is happening to me, but it is one I don’t feel free to discuss publicly, just in case the lurkers are still out there, dissecting my language for petty crimes. Not once now but twice it has been made clear to me…

Another Little Piece of My Heart

I am going to have to take a break from blogging. It does nothing but get me in trouble, making things unbearable for me at work, punishing those close to me. I say again to the person who turned me in to my supervisor last year: FUCK YOU. And I will say the same to…

Heaven Beside You / Hell Within

I am lying here in bed with tears streaming down my face, pooling on my neck in little puddles. I could not take X to school this morning and my parents have Zo. John went back to work with Trey the Tree King. I can tell you for sure that crying hysterically does nothing good…

Little Girl X

Getting over the four shots of DHE I had yesterday, my stomach roils angrily and my head still hurts just enough to be annoying. I’m spending another day in bed, at least partially. Zo sleeps part of the night with us, invariably. So I was none too thrilled when X wandered in at 3 am…

Blind

*I usually don’t go for rhyming poetry, but this seemed to write itself today. John’s birthday was yesterday and by bedtime it had become particularly difficult. Sometimes, it’s true, migraines are emotional, stress and fear leaking from the heart to the mind. And so. New snow, that breathless bright white Usually brings joy, but some…

Blind

*I usually don’t go for rhyming poetry, but this seemed to write itself today. John’s birthday was yesterday and by bedtime it had become particularly difficult. Sometimes, it’s true, migraines are emotional, stress and fear leaking from the heart to the mind. And so. New snow, that breathless bright white Usually brings joy, but some…

Disability Benefits Checklist

“Names, addresses, phone numbers, patient ID numbers, and dates of treatment for all doctors, hospitals, and clinics.”   Um, okay. Let’s see… I was diagnosed with Migraine by a Dr. Brown here in BG when I was 8. That would have been… 1981 or so, and he prescribed Fiorinal, I can’t remember if that was…

Status: Jobless Migrainosus

In December 2012, John had me convinced in the length of one shift at work that I should quit my job. Leaving that day, had he asked, I would have said, “No way. I need my job, it’s a good job. And we need this money.” I actually did figure out how much I might…