Perhaps not too many of you noticed my absence, but I do want to apologize to those who did. Things were so difficult for me and my family that I just couldn’t write about them in this public forum. But thanks to a few good friends I did begin feeling motivated to write some autobiographical fiction, which I will move to the third page here. The desire to blog came following after, naturally.
I want to be completely honest about the way things are. Both John and I are unemployed. John has been doing odd jobs: tree work, snow shoveling, website developing for a little bit of cash flow. I worked extremely hard to get us on Medicaid, which is almost finalized. I also completed my Social Security Supplemental Income application and I know it is at the State level, but the quickest that could possibly be done would be April. John keeps an eye out for good jobs he can apply for in the area – there’s one right now at our local University. But in the meantime… my mom keeps us afloat. TOTALLY afloat. We’re talking mortgage, groceries, bills, gifts, horse lessons. There is nothing that feels good about that, at 40.
On a personal level, I feel a bit housebound and have become sort of agoraphobic, and more depressed. My headaches have been tolerable to severe: I went to the ER 5 times from Oct – Nov, none in Dec, and one already in January. Seeing friends feels difficult. I went over to Paul’s last night, and once right around Christmas, but that’s it. My current migraine regimen is 10 mg methylphenidate twice per day, then Tylenol, Percocet, or Imitrex. DHE if all else fails. I also take 400 mg of B2 and 800 mg of Magnesium.
John has good days and bad days. Sometimes things trigger him and he spends entire days stuck in 1992; when the abuse happened. That is, he FEELS exactly like what he felt then, which of course is a nightmare for all of us. He has once per week appointments with a very talented psychologist, and the two of us hope to get him healed, and are switching to a paleo-esque diet to assist in doing that (we have a PTSD friend who swears by it, and might as well try).
The girls are great. Due to Hercules, Ion, and The Polar Vortex, their winter vacation was extended an entire week. For the most part, they’ve gotten along great. Asia the smooth collie mix is still the joy of our lives.
I’ve realized that part of what I need to be happy (besides work outside the home, which is unattainable) is to re-explore my friendships. As Spring approaches, I hope to see more of those people who make my life worth living. For now I need to continue caring for my sad husband, loving my crazy children and dog and batten down those headache hatches. Love to you all, and thanks, as always, for reading.