Sick, Poor, & Painfully Aware

Big plans. Writing. Taking a walk with X and Asia. Helping John with his resume – well, he’s sick too. One of my least favorite aspects of chronic illness (well, do I really have to quantify them?) is that it can take me a while to figure out if I’m experiencing a virus or prodrome; a bad sinus headache or a migraine (what difference does it make, really, when Imitrex works on both); run down because of all the medicine I had in my system yesterday, or if I’m getting the flu. But the fact that my mom and now the John are down with something makes me think I may very well be sick, or, I am getting a very depressing number of migraines, which is not where I want to be in my illness right now. Stubborn migraines, lurking right at that edge of doing and not doing.

Medicaid. My god. As wonderful as it is to know that I am now, because of all my efforts, fully engaged in a government system where I get care and medicines for free, you sure do have to keep working your broke and ill ass off to make sure it all goes right. I put off filling my Vivelle Dot patch, my little .05 HRT since my hysterectomy; as well as my Cymbalta, which I take for both depression and migraine and is killer (nearly literally) to stop taking or even miss a dose; because they are prohibitively expensive and I knew my Medicaid was coming. And it did. But Cymbalta, which just was released in a generic form, could not be filled by Medicaid in either the generic or the brand name. No one knew why except that maybe the generic is too new. My doctor’s office would be closed until Friday (yep, I was trying to do this on Dec 30). No way to get a Prior Authorization. So I had to shell out $350 more of my mom’s money because of course hormone replacement is not medically necessary and also needs a PA. And I signed up for my Managed Care Plan as required, Paramount Advantage, and have I heard anything from them? No. I did learn from the helpful pharmacists at Meijer that you can’t even get your PA in advance. The prescription has to be rejected first, THEN they fax the doctor, so you could be looking at an extra 3 – 5 days for your medications, which most likely, are needed right away.

I realize that I should be grateful for a supportive (especially financially) extended family; that my daughters are healthy and I’m not any sicker than I am. I feel foolish complaining about having trouble with my government benefits when at least they exist for people in my situation. From my former experience in the ignorant working world, I know this makes me one of the most despised subgroups in the country. And you wanna know what? Yes. I do have an iPhone. And yes, I do take terrible, terrible selfies with it.

“I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me… (you know what I’m sayin’?)” – Beck

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2 thoughts on “Sick, Poor, & Painfully Aware

    • Yeah, I have an “ironic” liberal group of friends – it took me a very long time to get used to that sense of humor if it can even be called that. I am low today but my gosh I could have at least used the slightly less offensive “first world” and even that is horrible. I am ashamed, apologize profusely for the offense, and am going to re-write the entry. Ugh. Horrified.

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