I Will Not Freak Out.

So, I have this appointment today. At a Pain Management Clinic. I really, really feel like I am heading into some kind of factory, or… what? A prison? don’t even know. Why am I so terrified?

I need to keep reminding myself that I’m not just going there on my own, in a fit of pique, because I didn’t get my way at my neurologist’s office. I am not an addict, or a drug seeker. I have a crippling illness and plenty of proof of that. And I have been suffering since February. Well, actually, my whole life.

My primary care provider likes this clinic, this doctor, and referred me there. Twice. The first time I was too afraid to go. My pain therapist, even sharing the research hospital with my neurologist, supports me as well. I have to keep this in mind.

Is it the drug testing? I mean, yes, of course. That’s why I feel like a criminal. And the other pain clinic I went to WAS truly terrifying. Tiny and dirty, and I hadn’t known I’d be drug tested at the first appointment. My urine wasn’t clean, and frankly I was glad. I just wanted to get out of there. I had gotten a really severe migraine while waiting, big surprise. This place, while I will be tested, should be bigger. Cleaner. Nicer. Right?

I tend to get very, very upset when medical professionals don’t treat me well. This time, I am not going to take it personally. Whether I am told it’s all in my head, or that I have to make do with the Sumatriptan and oxygen, or simply that any prescriptions will wait until a later appointment, I will walk in with my head held high, and leave the same way.

And this won’t be my only attempt. I will go back to my GP if I need to. Dr S has my back, and so does Dr. Mac. And, as always, I have my own. I am all I need.



10 thoughts on “I Will Not Freak Out.

  1. My two daughters had migraines that lasted for months. I’m so glad to hear that you are happy with how your appointment went. They always felt at least a little better by just having someone to help that believed them. It makes a big difference. Here’s to continued good news!

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