I haven’t been secretive about the fact that I’ve been depressed this week. A lot of it stems from not working; facing extreme poverty; and not understanding how my monthly SSI benefit is calculated.
When I discovered that J’s future wages were being based on a 3 paycheck month, I was ecstatic. However after I turned in his paystubs for June, my account on the SS website said that my Aug 1 payment would be less than $150. I don’t understand that at all. I had thought it would be $741. I did apply for food stamps, and am waiting for that to be processed.
Besides the financial aspect, I am starting to feel even more isolated by not having a job. I’ve always worked customer service, which was a great way to interact with people for a relatively shy person. I loved my colleagues and customers, and even when I’d arrive at work in a sour mood, I would almost always cheer up at some point during the shift. When I left Parks & Rec I lost one of my best friends who also worked there, as well as another friend who went back to work from being a stay-at-home dad. Neither of them had time for me anymore, and as I got sicker, I had less time, too.
Right now, I don’t really know who I am. I’ve lost my reference points. I am a sad, sick girl who sleeps a lot. That’s how I feel.
I want to close this rather pathetic entry by linking J’s little travel website, Wonderbuggy. J created it last year while he was unemployed, and we do make a tiny commission for every hotel reserved through the site. So this is one of the ways we’re trying to offset my low SSI amount. I also am hoping to self-publish in the future, maybe expanding The Migraine Diaries. We’ll see. For now, I’m mainly focusing on getting out of bed.