The reason I’m going with such a cringe-worthy title for this post is because I want all these entries to be easily distinguishable as a “story,” or thread with a beginning and end and therefore similar titles.
This is the end.
This purpose of this piece is to celebrate the extreme, positively overwhelming support I received from so many people while I endured this situation. People from every cross-section of my life: immediate blood family, in-person local friends, extended family, college friends, former co-workers who became family, my theatre family, my migraine.com advocate and Health Union family, my online migraine and illness community, current colleagues. People who’ve been in my life from day one to having just met them last year or even last week. People I see in person weekly or monthly or have never come face to face with.
It might take awhile to complete this, because I want to share a lot of the GIFs and videos I received and also I really would like to upgrade my blog theme, which I may need John’s help with and seems intimidating. And I’m so tired and just… done.
I’ll be okay for a while, and then indignation and fury will come crashing back in on me regarding the treatment I’ve received from various hospital professionals in the past three weeks. The washout of the anger leaves depression behind, that same resignation, the “why bother,” nothing will ever change. All that will happen is I will accumulate more mysterious symptoms as I age, possibly non-diagnosable. Or I can just decide it’s neuropathy, or fibromyalgia, and see if I can get an official stamp on those. But I’m so tired. Tired of all of it.
But! this is supposed to be a happy post, focusing on the support I received, so I’m going to launch into that now.
On February 6, the day before the MRA test, I was feeling shaky and scared in the morning and asked on Facebook for people to cheer me up.
People started sending and posting things immediately. Of the 115 comments, many of them are my responses, but I was truly overjoyed and touched by how many people were immediately there for me.
My friend Gerald sent this simple, pretty GIF of Princess Leia to my phone, as well as some other Carrie Fisher and Radiohead ones.
My friend Frances, who is a beautiful single mom waiting for a transplant that I “met” while uploading entries to the Disability March last year, posted this gorgeous Radiohead cover I had never seen / heard before:
My dear friend Kelly, who was like a little sister to me when we worked together at the coffee shop (we were so much alike at that time and probably still are) posted this to my wall, reminding me how strong I am, and it hit me right in the gut. I love it so much.
My best friend and sometime room mate from 1995 – 1997 commented with this and made me cry. We loved this show. We lived this show. Later we went to BGSU and met Wilson Cruz and I made him tear up when I talked about how much I loved his character Rickie and when he quietly said “thank you” he looked / seemed JUST LIKE RICKIE. Recently he was a lawyer on 13 Reasons Why.
X’s best friend’s mom posted this from Tumblr about A Wrinkle In Time references in Steven Universe. I had never noticed that Connie is definitely holding the book in the opening sequence. Super cool.
My local spoonie friend Julie sent me this just yesterday. She is married to one of John’s high school best friends. It’s a lot like the recent “Bad Lip Reading” Star Wars video songs but a tribute to Carrie Fisher and I love it.
My brother Joel posted a Reddit link of “The Weather Channel” classics on my wall today. He is one of only about three people in the world who remembers how much odd comfort I used to take in having The Weather Channel playing continuously when I was in high school.
And I have to mention Stacey, whose calm and logical advice saved me by putting a copy of the MRI result in my hands. And Jessica who chatted with me endlessly every day while she was going through hell herself. My mom who came to appointments and tests with me and was undoubtedly scared shitless. And poor John who lived with me and supported me while he was in such desperate need of support himself.
And all the others who sent me cell phone numbers and texted me and said they’d be here for me no matter what, no matter when. Everyone who was there and supported me, I love you. Even if you didn’t say anything but thought about me, I love you.
I only just noticed this last gorgeous piece that my migraine friend / big sis / kindred spirit Jane posted on my wall right before I had the MRA. And I think it’s a perfect way to end this entry, and this story.
Thanks for being here.