Painfully Employed

Push, pull, bend, stretch, crouch, carry, crawl. Upstairs, light filters in and the peace is something you can almost hold in your hand were it not already grasping three plastic-coated hardbacks in a basketball grip or piano finger stretch as you skim the romance section L’s. Lauren, Laurens, Laurent. Lace and Leather, Last Chance, Let…

PHONE CALLS 💀

I think my fear of the phone stems from both my medical PTSD and my isolation at home. The fewer people I see on a daily basis, the less I seem to know how to interact with them, especially when caught off guard (why I never answer my phone). As far as calling someone, it is…

Advocate Fail

Why couldn’t I just have arranged the whole trip on my own? Just me, wearing my big girl pants (or skirt, usually) booking a flight, knowing I could hail a cab and get to the hotel on my own? Then, after the conference, get back to the airport and fly home. That is how all the other advocates do it. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Influenza Valentine

I’m a little… down. You know, that feeling in your core that alternates between emptiness, like nothing can fill it, and anxiety, like everything is bad. Since finally getting all the way off of Cymbalta and switching back to Zoloft, I rarely get very depressed anymore. Like the scary angry black hole kind where you…

Bulbous Basilar Bolstering

The reason I’m going with such a cringe-worthy title for this post is because I want all these entries to be easily distinguishable as a “story,” or thread with a beginning and end and therefore similar titles. This is the end. This purpose of this piece is to celebrate the extreme, positively overwhelming support I…

Not Bulbous Basilar but “Partial Voluming Artifact”

I’m sorry. I guess that’s the first thing I want to say. I’m sorry for scaring everyone so much. I’m sorry for getting defensive about people saying I shouldn’t freak out yet because “it could be nothing.” Because apparently, it was, exactly, nothing. I have written and re-written this entry in my head several times….

Bulbous Basilar ~ Pre-Results

T minus approximately 30 minutes. John got home. I don’t want to get to the records office and have them tell me it’s not there yet. My heart is pounding. The butterflies have spread up into my chest and shoulders. John told me of something else he’d thought of that it could be: the  white…

Aneurysm~ Headstory

You know…. like instead of “backstory”? ha ha. My stressful week of appointments did not happen the way I thought it would. My insurance, Medical Mutual through John’s employment, kicked in on January 1 and so I had a lot of things scheduled right away, and they ended up being all in a row on…

Bulbous Basilar

I have a possible small aneurysm. I am a writer, I write, and I found myself posting long emotional diatribes on social media, particularly Instagram. X is now on Instagram. Her friends are on Instagram, all my theatre kids whom I love like family, and I realized that I could be terrifying them and making…

Flashback Friday

I stayed in bed all morning. Yesterday I had to give myself a Sumatriptan injection first thing; the morning before I’d needed to take a tablet. No migraine this morning, but maybe postdrome. In a sort of desultory way I scrolled through Facebook. I don’t always check my “On This Day” memories, but I did,…

Everything Is Horrible – I mean, Fine!!!

My stomach hurts. J has resigned and is wrapping up his cases. And looking for a new job. The changes and our tension make the girls nervous and they are acting out, making it difficult for us to get anything done. We all have colds. I have a fever. And cold sores, which I get…