NO MORE.

no more no more no more no more.  No more living how I want to when we are so desperately poor. No more tattoos as birthday and Christmas gifts; no gifts for me at all.  No trips. No special treats. No piercings. No buying anything for fun, at all, ever. No boxes of hair dye,…

Days 62 & 63

I have written about these days already, so am just posting the artwork. Really don’t like J’s version of my half-shadow selfie at MHNI so I’m including only the Instagram version.

Days 59 & 60: (The Beginning of) A New Age

Last night, I opened 8 Cymbalta capsules one at a time, dumping and dividing the tiny beads inside them so that I would be taking a little less each day, ending next Monday. The beads are about the size of the salt grains that come in packages with frozen soft pretzels. We did this a…

Days 56 – 58: The More They Stay The Same

Monday brought more headache, frustration and car trouble… at least I was able to get Zo to her first Daisy Scout meeting, and my dad came to the rescue with jumper cables and it was all very easy, though I was breathless with anxiety about my former boss’s hybrid SUV being parked quite nearby in…

Days 34 – 39 | Charlotte’s Web & a hard week

I have been soul-dead this past week. So much so that I know I have to return to my original, higher dose of Cymbalta after so carefully and triumphantly decreasing to 30 mg six months ago. My headaches have been some improved, so my depression got worse. That’s what happens. I don’t know if it’s…

Day 28: The Pain Cycle

Things are pretty dismal. I may blog more about it later, or I may not. Here is yesterday’s Migraine365 page: Text of Page: 09.15.14 | Day 28: The Pain Cycle | Migraine365 | Migraine –> Time Lost –> Depression –> Tidal Wave [dishes / rest / house / bills / laundry / kids / work…

Lesions & Lessons (or: Life Sucks and Then You Go Back To Bed)

Today has been a Very Bad Day. It started with a terrible headache, pulsating in rhythm with the twitching of my left eye, which has been happening recently upon the acquisition of an ugly, painful, stigmata-like wound on my corresponding temple. Starting as an odd, tiny bump, it increased in size and noticeability as I…

Grouchy.

I am in a terrible mood. My head has been lurking in the 3-4 range for days, not enough to even lie down with, but enough to hurt. Enough to make every job, every trip back and forth to Zo’s nature camp or the store or the dog park, every run of the dishwasher or…

SSI & Creative Money Making

I haven’t been secretive about the fact that I’ve been depressed this week. A lot of it stems from not working; facing extreme poverty; and not understanding how my monthly SSI benefit is calculated. When I discovered that J’s future wages were being based on a 3 paycheck month, I was ecstatic. However after I…

Depletion

No one can help me. Not my partner Not my parents Not my friends Not my children Not my doctors Not my dog Not god. Everyone is tired At the end of the ropes with which I tie them to me. I am tired of asking for support Favors, babysitting, Rearrangement of schedules, For people…