My Body’s Betrayal – a prose poem

“I have no idea what I’m talking about / I am trapped in this body and can’t get out”  — Thom Yorke An empty husk, sunk into a permanent hollow in the flannel sheet and mattress A mattress that used to be his mother’s Everything here used to belong to someone else, myself included. Perhaps not…

Upon The Loss Of Another Doctor

This job, the simple job of pretending we feel all right while hugging our spouses and kissing the tops of our children’s heads; of negotiating new doctors and treatment plans and insurance coverage and basically having to BEG for the basic care we deserve while burned-out advocates, as they occasionally must, slip away to their…

In Through The Out Door

I don’t know what’s going on with me. I have noticed that the times I’m most depressed, I don’t have a migraine. Could the depression be part of the prodrome? Is it that the chemicals usually involved in my headache don’t have anything else to do? Bored serotonin, making me miserable. Until recently I don’t…

Exit, #2

The post I wrote and then accidentally deleted was about being horrifyingly, painfully depressed. For some reason it looked like it was going to post twice, so I quickly deleted one and there the other went, too!  Perhaps it was for the best, because I didn’t want to frighten anyone. I don’t know where this…

ER, Again

Asia is barking and anxiety yawning and upset. I am in my “Migraine Awareness” hoodie, pajama pants and heading to the ER myself once again. Waiting for my dad to take me there at around 6:15 pm. John thinks he’s getting out tomorrow, I think that’s too soon. They’re not even giving him any meds….

This sucks

I am alone and feel like I’m falling apart. We are both emotionally unstable and I am chronically ill. My beautiful girls are basically living with my parents right now while I am prostrate and in grief. What will become of us?

this is november. this is my blog. this is my life.

I am not at all certain how to begin. A major life event is happening to me, but it is one I don’t feel free to discuss publicly, just in case the lurkers are still out there, dissecting my language for petty crimes. Not once now but twice it has been made clear to me…

Heaven Beside You / Hell Within

I am lying here in bed with tears streaming down my face, pooling on my neck in little puddles. I could not take X to school this morning and my parents have Zo. John went back to work with Trey the Tree King. I can tell you for sure that crying hysterically does nothing good…

Blind

*I usually don’t go for rhyming poetry, but this seemed to write itself today. John’s birthday was yesterday and by bedtime it had become particularly difficult. Sometimes, it’s true, migraines are emotional, stress and fear leaking from the heart to the mind. And so. New snow, that breathless bright white Usually brings joy, but some…

Blind

*I usually don’t go for rhyming poetry, but this seemed to write itself today. John’s birthday was yesterday and by bedtime it had become particularly difficult. Sometimes, it’s true, migraines are emotional, stress and fear leaking from the heart to the mind. And so. New snow, that breathless bright white Usually brings joy, but some…

I love my dog

I am having a hard time accepting that I needed to give in today. I am doing better this week, which means “failures” are harder to accept emotionally. Besides having one nearly pain-free day and then easy-to-treat headaches the following two days, I’ve been TRYING. Keeping track of symptoms, medications, special circumstances. Taking less medicine…